Safe Inside Myself
by Sparrow Shadow
Summary: Jess is setteling in perfectly with Will until a stranger from the past blows back into her life. Lots of deviling into Jess's past, including very angsty memories from her abusive foster homes. Must read Broken Heart.
1. Sneaking Out

Safe Inside Myself By Sparrow Shadow

Chapter One: Sneaking Out

It had taken Will a long time to get used to having a sister. Jess had only been living with her for an hour when they had had their first sister spat. Now, a week later, Jess was officially moved in, and Will found herself happy at the idea of having a permanent slumber party with her best, and first after moving to Heatherfield, friend. Jess came from a troubled background, having lived in nine foster homes after being abandoned by her mother when she was three. Jess's last foster parents had been very abusive, and Will suspected that that wasn't the first time she had been brutalized.

Will glanced at the walls that had been repainted. Jess's half of the room was painted dark blue, though you couldn't see the paint through the posters and pictures. Her posters were mostly of heavy metal and punk rock bands, such as Evanescence, her favorite, kidneythieves, Slipknot, Avril Lavigne, and Marilyn Manson. She also had Rascal Flatts, Dixie Chicks, Big and Rich, Tim McGraw, and Toby Keith decorating her side of the room. Along with them, she also had horse posters spread out over the wall and several pictures of her favorite anime characters, like Inu Yasha, Cowboy Bebop, Fruits Basket, and Full Metal Alchemist. Will found that this clash of interests suited Jess's personality well. The room was also a clash of the girl's personalities as well. Will's side was a testament to innocence, painted green and dotted with frog posters and pictures of actors, like the beautiful Vance Michael Justin and Orlando Bloom. Jess said that actors made her gag.

Another thing Jess hadn't expected was that her ideal sister slumber party wasn't going to happen. Jess hated everything that any normal girl would worship, such as make up, scented shampoo, and cute little mini skirts and short shorts. Jess wore mostly baggy jeans and tank tops covered with a gray sweatshirt. Instead of staying up all night gossiping and giggling, Jess preferred to sit silently listening to her CD player or reading a book. She called it "mellowing down." Will called it depression. And that's what the lightning guardian was doing now; reclining on her back with Gwen Stefani in her CD player and her cocker spaniel puppy, Sunny, sleeping on her chest. Will huffed with annoyance. Jess opened one eye and fixed it on Will with indignation.

"What?" Will hastily made up an excuse.

"Have you seen my jacket?" Jess pointed to the desk and Will blushed sheepishly. She tried once again to entice Jess to talk, but the girl just answered her questions in short, one word answers. Will huffed, trying to find a neutral topic to discus. She knew that Jess only went to Boyzilla concerts because she and their other friends went, and she really didn't watch TV much. Will was suddenly aware of how different they actually were. Honestly, the only thing keeping Jess from being a boy was breasts and P.M.S., and Will was…well…a girl. She, once again felt afraid that this living arrangement wasn't going to work. She didn't think Jess could stand leaving another home. Suddenly Jess was looking at her, her amber eyes narrowed in a characteristic glare before breaking into a smile.

"You want to go rent a movie or something? We've got nothing better to do." Will laughed.

"Sure. Gory horror movie or sappy love story?"

"How about both? We can rent two movies so we can swoon over Johnny Depp and then not sleep tonight because every little noise makes us think that the Amityville ghosts are coming to get us." Will smiled.

"Sounds like a plan to me."

As Jess had predicted, Will couldn't sleep that night after watching Amityville Horror. Jess was fast asleep. Scary movies never bothered her. Will turned over and snuggled Mister Huggels close to her chest, ignoring his squirming. She heard a click and she nearly leaped out of her bed. "Shhhhh! Go back to sleep." Jess said. She was standing, fully dressed, at the window, which was opened. Will nodded and the girl climbed out of the window and into the tree that grew alongside the apartment building. That was another thing that bothered her. Almost every night, Jess snuck out. She never said where she was going, but she was always back in bed by breakfast. Will tried to think up a way to ask her were she was going, but she was asleep again within seconds. 


	2. The Stranger

Disclaimer: I don't own W.I.T.C.H.

Chapter Two: The Stranger

As usual, Jess was back in her bed before breakfast the next morning. Will started to ask where she had gone, but she decided against it. She knew Jess wouldn't answer her. Will's mother had left early for work, so the girls had the place to themselves. Jess was very quiet, and that bugged Will. She was trying to find a way to strike up a conversation, when Jess spoke first. "Are you ok? You seem kinda quiet." I'm kinda quiet? Will thought with indignation.

"Just thinking," she replied. Jess nodded. Suddenly she broke into a mischievous smile, her amber eyes shining with malicious fire.

"I have an idea of what we can do this weekend. There's a new horror flick playing at the theater. We should go see it."

"Horror flick?" Will asked nervously.

"Aw, suck it up. I watch all of that chick shit with you." Will didn't answer, but grabbed her backpack and left the apartment with Jess close behind. "So, what do you say. We can get the other girls to go and I can scare the shit out of Cornelia."

"Jess! She nearly had a heart attack the last time you did that."

"It was funny."

"That is because you are a sadist, my friend." The girls giggled. Taranee met them at the street corner.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Jess wants to go see a horror movie this weekend." Taranee shivered.

"Quit being such a wimp," Jess advised, giving Taranee a sweet smile to let her know she was kidding. Taranee giggled.

The three girls entered the school grounds and saw Cornelia, Hay Lin, and Irma slouched against the wall. Jess waved and the other two slid tiredly on the steps next to them. Jess pulled out her book and began to read, like she usually did to ignore the conversation incase it turned to the dreaded girl talk. Suddenly, Jess's entire body went ridged as she looked across the school grounds. Will followed her eyes to where Mrs. Knickerbocker was standing with a pretty woman with dark brown hair. Mrs. Knickerbocker saw her watching and she waved.

"Come over here a minute, Jessica. There is someone here to see you." Jess was standing so stiffly that Will was afraid that if she moved, she would shatter into a million pieces. Will waited for Jess to react, to move, to speak, to do something but stand there as she brown haired woman turned to face her, her green eyes widening as they made contact with Jess's.

"No!" Jess breathed, her voice filled with hurt. Hay Lin put a hand on her shoulder, breaking the spell. Jess turned on her heel, bolting down the stars and climbing over the fence to freedom. The strange woman looked as if she wanted to go after, but she was hesitant. Will stood to follow, beckoning the others to follow.

"Jess!" Irma called as Jess rocketed through the woods surrounding the school, no doubt heading for her hideaway on the beach. Jess whipped around, staring her down.

"What?"

"Who was that woman?" Cornelia asked. Jess was panting, her eyes brimming with tears that she hastily wiped away. She sat in the grass, leaning against a tree. The girls sat near her, placing their arms gently around her shoulders or lightly holding her hands. She felt comforted. She took a deep breath.

"She's my mother. My birth mother." 


	3. Bitter Memories

A/N: he song is by Evanescance and it is called missing.

Chapter Three: Bitter Memories

As they had expected, Jess had retreated to her hideaway, a cave she called Halcyon Haven. The darkness and the quiet relaxed her brain so she could think. She had her headphones over her ears, another essential to relaxing and thinking.

Please, please forgive me,

But I won't be home again.

Maybe someday you'll look up,

And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:

"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -

You forgot me long ago.

Am I that unimportant...?

Am I so insignificant...?

Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?

Jessica fingered the necklace around her neck, a penny that had been sawed in half and strung up on a chain, and she knew she couldn't help but relive that day she had last seen the woman who had given her life. She had a long memory, a curse when you had been through as much as she had. Jess never forgot anything.

Jessica, then three years old, was sitting in the back of the car, clutching her stuffed cat to her chest.

"How long will you be gone, mommy?" The woman up front with the dark brown hair shifted uncomfortably.

"I'll be back to get you soon." Jessica nodded.

"Why can't I stay with Katie, like I usually do when you're at work?"

"Katie has a test to study for." Jessica nodded. She fidgeted silently from the back seat. Something didn't feel right. Jessica sucked her thumb and twisted a lock of her brown hair between her fingers. Her amber eyes were wide with anxiety.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.

Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,

But I won't be home again.

I know what you do to yourself,

I breathe deep and cry out,

"Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me?"

Jessica looked at the sign as they entered the parking lot where she was going to stay while her mommy was at work. "What does that say?"

"Montgomery Memorial Hospital," She replied tersely. Jessica unbuckled her seatbelt and slid out of the car, hugging her toy kitty. Her mom handed her a backpack and Jessica hoisted it on her back. She held her mother's hand as they entered the hospital doors.

"What does that say?" Jessica said, pointing to another sign.

"Birth center," Her mother said. She lifted her off the ground and held her close to her chest, kissing her forehead. She sat her down on the couch and instructed her to watch TV while she went to talk to the nurse. There was another little girl there with her grandmother. She told her that she was there to get her new baby sister. Jessica made a mental note to ask her mother to get her a baby sister before they left.

A few minutes later, Jessica's mom came back, tears brimming her eyes. She picked her up and gave her a hard hug and a loving kiss. "I love you baby. I love you so much." Jessica knew that there was something wrong and she begged her not to go. "Here," Her mother said, pulling a necklace out of her pocket, a penny that had been sawed in half. "Keep this. As long as you have this, I will be with you." She touched the other half of the penny that hung around her neck. The nurse came and took her out of her mother's arms.

"Mommy?" Jessica cried and the woman carried her to the back. She saw her mother's back as she exited the hospital doors.

That night, Jessica went to her first foster home. For weeks, she held out hope that her mother would come for her, but soon she became resigned to the fact that she had been abandoned.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.

Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,

Knowing you don't care.

And if I sleep just to dream of you

I'll wake without you there,

Isn't something missing?

Isn't something...

Jessica Aradia wasn't a baby anymore. She had abandoned her innocence just as surly as her mother had abandoned her nine years ago. She refused to cry as the bitter memories lingered. She thought of her first foster home and how nice they had started out being. She was scared and alone and refused to let them love her. They had tried, but not long. By her sixth month away from her mother, they had grown tired of her. She was alone once more.

She refused to allow herself to cry. She refused to let her past make her weak. She refused to think of the brown haired woman at her school.

But it was useless. After all, Jessica didn't forget.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.

Isn't something missing?

Isn't someone missing me? 


	4. Indecision

A/N: I don't own W.I.T.C.H.

Chapter Four: Indecision

"Jess?" Jess looked up from where she was curled up on the rocks to see a tall figure silhouetted in the darkness. It took Jess a few seconds before she recognized the voice and the outline of the figure.

"What are you doing here, Alex?"

"Will sent me to look for you. She figured you would listen to me." Jess rolled her eyes but smiled at her nosey, but welcomed, visitor. Alex climbed the rocks with some difficulty, and emerged beside her panting.

"How do you get up here? Are you part cat?"

"Meow," Jess responded with a giggle. Alex squinted into the pitch darkness as he slid his arm gently around Jess's waist and pulled her close to him.

"Will told me about your mother showing up today." Jess sniffed.

"She's not my mother. She decided she didn't want me a long time ago." Alex shook his head.

"You don't know why she left you. Her husband could have been abusive or she could have been homeless. She could have done it for your own good."

"It wasn't for my own good. It's been hell ever since she left me." Alex brushed his finger over her cheek.

"She may have thought it would have been better. She didn't know what would happen." She pressed her forehead to his shoulder and nodded her head. Alex was right. She had no idea of the circumstances of her abandonment. She didn't know how he had done it, but, once again, he had put her mind at ease. That was just Alex. No one could make her feel safe like he could. He had a way of making her see reason. "Do you really want to hide up here all day? Why don't you let me walk you home." She nodded and he took her hand gently.

Jess didn't talk much through dinner. Her mind was lost in thought. Will tried to pick up her end of the conversation by chattering on and on about whatever popped her head. Jess was, once again, thankful for Will's help. Jess retreated to their bedroom after dinner and covered her ears with her headphones once more. Will came in and Jess hastily shut her eyes and pretended to be asleep with the music pounding in her ears. Once again her mind was at the mercy of her memories.

I tried to kill the pain

but only brought more

I lay dying

and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal

I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

am I too lost to be saved

am I too lost?

"Leave me alone!" four year old Jess hollered over the noise of the vacuum.

"Jessica, sweetheart-"

"My name is Jess, and I want my mommy!" The red haired lady was nice, but Jess didn't want a her to try to comfort her. She wanted to be alone. She wanted her mommy. She pulled from her grasp and ran to her hiding place behind the door.

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

do you remember me

lost for so long

will you be on the other side

or will you forget me

I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

am I too lost to be saved

am I too lost?

The memory faded into another.

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

I want to die!

Seven year old Jess sat snuggled under the bed as the woman in the high heels tapped into her room. "Jessica Aradia, get out here now!" Jess shuffled back farther into the corner, holding her toy cat to her chest. She felt a hand on her foot as she was whipped out from under the bed. She felt a sharp hand on her rear and she cried out. "I have been calling you for an hour, you little brat!" Her hand descended again but Jess didn't cry. She didn't say a word. She closed her eyes tightly and prayed desperately for her mommy to come and save her.

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave

my soul cries for deliverance

will I be denied Christ

tourniquet

my suicide

"No one wants you, and that's why you're here!" The man yelled. Eleven year old Jess sat crumpled on the floor, her hand nursing a bleeding lip. Her eyes were narrowed with hatred. He grabbed her up by her wrists and she cracked him in the face with fist, causing him to drop her roughly on the ground. "You hit me, you little bitch!" He cracked her across the mouth and she swore. He grabbed her up and slammed her against the wall. She tried to pull away but her drug her into the bedroom where he through her roughly to the bed.

"No! No! No!" She cried, tears streaming down her face and she tried to pull away from him. "No!"

"No! Will?" Jess blinked tears out of her eyes as she saw Will's copper colored eyes staring at her with fear and concern.

"Jess are you alright"  
"Will!" Jess gripped Will's hand as she tried to shake off the memories that lingered in the air like an oppressing fog. Will brushed a strand of her dark brown hair out of Jess's face and whispered gently.

"It's ok Jess. It was just a nightmare."

"No it wasn't. It wasn't just a nightmare. They were memories." Jess released Will's hand and leaned back against the pillow. Will sat down next to her and lifted Sunny, Jess's little dogchild, from the foot of the bed and placed her in Jess's arms. The small pup wriggled her back end, trying to wag her short cocker spaniel tail, and licked the tears off of Jess's face. Jess buried her nose into Sunny's golden fur, drawing comfort from her warmth and closeness, as well as Will's.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jess shook her head. "You should, you know."

"I…can't." Will sought to change the subject.

"What are you going to do about your birth mother?"

"What do you mean, what do I want to do about her?"

"Are you going to see her, or what?" Jess shrugged.

"I kind of want to, you know, to find out why she left me." Will smiled.

"Good idea," she chirped, darting aver to her bed. Jess was staring sadly at the ceiling as she pulled her headphones back over her ears.

"Will?" she asked. The red head looked up from her bed.

"Yeah Jess?"

"Thanks." Will giggled.

"You're welcome. What are sisters for." Jess smiled.

Jess had no more nightmares that night.

A/N: Just in case anyone's wondering about that last memory, yes, he did rape her. Intense, I know. 


	5. Jillian

A/N: The song is by Evanescence and it is called Understanding.  
Chapter Five: Jillian

Jess woke to Will jerking the blanket off of her. "Wake up, sleepyhead. We're late." Jess swore, leaping out of bed and throwing her cloths on as fast as possible. Will was standing at the door waiting for her. As she opened the door, Sunny darted out the door.

"I thought I had locked her up!" Jess shouted, exasperated. Will and Jess ran out the door but by the time they had reached the stairwell, Sunny had disappeared.

"It's ok Jess. We'll find her after school. She'll probably come home in a little while anyway. Mom comes home for lunch and she'll let her in. Here, I'll leave her a note to keep an eye out for her." Will bobbed back inside the apartment. She emerged a minute later, and the girls left for school. Jess drug her feet, to tired to concentrate on where she was going. She and Will dropped into there first period class with barely thirty seconds to spare. Taranee looked questioningly at them as Jess whispered, "Over slept," sheepishly in her ear. After the bell rang to dismiss first period, Jess opted to skip second period to give herself time to think without Mr. Red breathing down her neck.

Jess slipped out the door, planning to search for Sunny. Suddenly, she felt eyes on her, ten years in foster care had taught her how to tell when there were eyes on her, and she whipped around. Once again, she saw the familiar dark brown head, amber eyes, and dark lashes that mirrored her own. The woman was watching her with mingled curiosity and motherly affection. Jess glared.

"My name is Jillian." she sighed. "You look like my side of the family. You have your grandmother's hands-"

"What the hell do you want?"

"-and your grandfather's people skills."

"Don't play games with me. You abandoned me ten years ago. You left me, promising me you would be back later. I cried for you. I cried for you for the next three years, mostly when I was getting beaten by my foster parents. I quit crying after a while, when I figured out that you weren't coming back. You left without even looking back." Jess wrenched the necklace from around her neck and threw it forcefully at Jillian. "There! I don't want to be with you! I want to be out of my life so I can get on with it! I have a family now, and I won't let you take me away from it."

Jillian picked up the necklace and held it close to her heart. "Of course I looked back. I sat in my car and cried for three hours and then I staked out the hospital for the rest of the night. I watched your first foster parents take you away and cried for another hour until I finally made myself go home." Tears dotted her eyes now. Good, Jess thought vehemently. I'm not going to make this easy for her.

Can't wash it all away

Can't Wish it all away

Can't hope it all away

Can't cry it all away

"I loved you, Jess. I loved you more then you could ever know."

"Then why did you leave me?"

"I left you because I wanted you to have a better life then I did. She looked around. "Is there a better place we can talk around here. I know I shouldn't be encouraging you to skip class, but this talk is long over due."

The pain that grips you

The fear that binds you

Releases life in me

In our mutual

Shame we hide our eyes

To blind them from the truth

That finds a way from who we are

Please don't be afraid

When the darkness fades away

The dawn will break the silence

Screaming in our hearts

My love for you still grows

This I do for you

Before I try to fight the truth my final time

"I started drinking after your father left me, when I was three months pregnant with you. I was sixteen, alone, and I was a wreck. It's a wonder you were born healthy. I forced myself to stop, for your sake, when I was six months pregnant. When you were born, you weighed four pounds, way below the low birth weight." She sighed as she leaned back her chair while she and Jess sat in the back of a local café Jess had also visited while skipping. "I started drinking again when I thought you were going to die. I…was going through a difficult time. When you were released, I was afraid. I knew that I had, once again, become an alcoholic." She wiped the tears from her eyes and Jess glared at her with a sharp glint in her cold amber eyes. Jillian turned her amber eyes to Jess again, a pained smile on her face.

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

Can't cry it all away

Can't scratch it all away

Lying beside you

Listening to you breathe

The life that flows inside of you

Burns inside of me

Hold and speak to me

Of love without a sound

Tell me you will live through this

And I will die for you

Cast me not away

Say you'll be with me

For I know I cannot

Bear it all alone

"I tried to hide my drinking problem from my parents, but they found out. The found out about a rehab clinic nearby, and said that they'd take you for a while so I could get better." She shuddered at the memory. "My mother never knew this, but when I was a teenager, my father was very abusive to me. I didn't want you being beaten, and worse, like I was."

"But I was," Jess said. "I have been abused since I was three. You didn't save me from anything."

"I tried. After I got out, I tried to get you back, but I found out that you had been moved. It took me years to track you down."

Can't fight it all away

Can't hope it all away

Can't scream it all away

It just won't fade away, No

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

Can't cry it all away

Can't scratch it all away

Jess was watching her, marveling at the fact that she actually believed her. Jillian looked so sincere, something Jess had rarely seen adults do. "I loved you, Jessica. I did and I still do. I know I can never make you trust me, but I hope you will try."

Can't fight it all away

Can't hope it all away

Can't scream it all away

Ooh, it all away

Ooh, it all away

Jess nodded, and jumped as she felt an unexpected vibration in the pocket of her baggy jeans. She pulled out her phone and saw Will's number on the caller ID. Jess opened it and put it to her ear.

"What's up, Will?"

"Where are you? We need to go to Meridian. Alex and Caleb need us."

"Ok. I'll meet you back at school in ten minutes." Jess hung up the phone and stared back at Jillian. "I need to go. One of my friends has an emergency and she needs me." Jillian nodded.

"I hope we can talk again soon."

"Yeah. Sure." Jess bolted out the café door, giving her birth mother a fleeting glance as she darted around the street corner. As she rounded the corner, she was jerked into a bush. She started to scream before she recognized the small white hands that were holding her. "Hay Lin!" she groaned. The air guardian giggled and Jess smiled as well; her friends always seemed to put her at ease. "So, what's the emergency?"

"I didn't say there was an emergency, I just said Caleb and Alex needed us." Will said with a giggle. Alex was originally from Meridian, but he, like Caleb, stayed on earth a lot. Alex said it was because Phobos's soldiers were after him, but Will, as well as the other girls, knew he wanted to be close to Jess. Will sighed at the romantic thought. For Alex and Jess, it had been a star-crossed-love-at first-sight kind of romance.

"Well, what do they need?"

"They wanted our help getting some supplies to the Infinite City." Jess nodded.

"Do we have a portal?"

"Yeah. Hay Lin found one on her map."

"Well, then let's go."

"Jess?"

"What?"

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Why?" Will shrugged.

"Let's go." 


	6. Nadia and the Orphans

Chapter Six: Nadia and the Orphans

Alex and Caleb greeted them at the Infinite City where Alex slipped his arm around Jess. Althea, the elderly nurse, gave her a gentle hug and Jess smiled. The woman was sweet, and one of the few grown ups Jess felt she could trust. She and Alex ducked out of the tunnel, after telling her friends she would be right back. "Before we go get the supplies, I have something I need you to help me with." Jess giggled as Alex pressed a kiss to her temple.

"What?"

"I'll show you." He led her down the darkened streets of Meridian and up the steps to a small building. "I used to live here as a kid. I still help out a lot." He put a finger to his lips and opened the door. Two little kids sat in the floor in front of the door. They leaped up and ran to Alex.

"Alex! Where've ya' been?"

"Hey guys. I've been busy." He lifted the two boys off of the ground. The mouse haired boy turned to Jess, who smiled shyly.

"Who are you?"

"This is Jess. She's a friend of mine."

"She's pretty," The other little boy said with a giggle. Jess blushed.

"She's already taken," Alex said. Jess blushed deeper.

"Oh Alex, how did you know that I loved children?"

"You seemed like the maternal type to me." He smiled, brushing his lips across hers. "Come on. I want you to meet somebody."

"What is this place anyway?"

"The orphanage."

"So all these kids are…"

"Orphans." Alex finished for her as he led her up the staircase. Jess nodded sadly, remembering the orphanages she had stayed in between foster homes. The stairs ended and Alex led her to a small room with three beds crowded in it. Two little girls came running when Alex entered the room, but the third didn't even look up. Leaving Alex with the other two, Jess sidled next to her on the bed and she cringed further under the blankets. "That's Nadia. She's new here." Alex said. Jess pulled the covers away from Nadia's face.

"Hey there sweetie," Jess said softly and the little child scooted further away.

"She doesn't talk or eat or anything. I've done all I can for her, but she won't respond. You've been where she is. Maybe you can help her."

"So have you,"

"But you're a girl. You two are on the same cosmic plane." The little girl snuggled against the headboard of the bed and sniffled. Jess looked helplessly at Alex, who intervened. "Hey, Nadia. Jess here is an orphan too. It's ok. You're safe." Jess put a hand on hers and the little child looked up, showing her tear stained face. Her hair was white-blonde and soft, and her eyes were pale and power blue.

"Alex, she's blind," Jess said.

"Is she? Are you?" The little girl nodded. "I'm sorry Nadia. Why didn't you tell us?" She shook her head and buried her head in Jess's waist. "Well no wonder you haven't been talking. I bet you're scared out of your mind, being in a strange place that you can't even see."

"Come here sweetheart," Jess said as she pulled the little child into her arms. Alex wrapped an arm around Jess's waist to hold her close. The two little boys came running into the room, carrying a story book.

"Hey, Jess, will you read to us?" The two little girls leaped on the bed and she felt Nadia fidget with excitement from the sheltered harbor of her lap.

"Sure. Why not?" The kids cheered and snuggled in close to her Alex sat on the foot of the bed, watching with a gentle smile on his face. "Once upon a time…" Jess began.

Sometime later, Jess looked up at the clock. "We should go," she said, and felt Nadia's grip on her waist tighten. The other children groaned in protest. "We'll be back later. We've got to help the rebels." Nadia giggled and released her and the children climbed off of the bed. "I'll see you again later I promise." Alex took Jess's hand and pulled her out the door. 


	7. Sunny’s Sacrifice and Jess’s New Power

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update but I've been busy.  
Chapter Seven: Sunny's Sacrifice and Jess's New Power

Will gave them a questioning look and Jess told her she would tell her where they had been later. Will pulled the heart of Candracar out of her shirt and cried, "Guardians unite," transforming the girls into magical fairies. Hay Lin giggled as she examined herself all over.

"This is so cool! I don't think I'll ever get used to this." Jess giggled at her. Irma was already hovering.

"Can we go?" Alex asked and Caleb nodded. Vathek entered the Infinite City and his eyes fell to Jess.

"Did you loose something?" he asked with a chuckle, pulling a wriggling golden pup out of his pocket.

"Sunny!" The girls all cried at once, as Jess took the little animal from Vathek's arms.

"How did she get here?"

"She must have gotten so used to going through the portal with us, that she just followed our scent right through without a second thought," Will said as Jess kissed her puppy's nose and the other guardians scratched her ears. Sunny licked their finger tips.

"Do you want me to keep an eye on her while you girls are gone?" Althea asked.

"Nah. She's as much a part of this team as I am."

"Be careful," Cornelia instructed Caleb as he, Aldarn, and Alex snuck quietly past the guard to get to the supply room. Sunny wriggled impatiently in Jess's arms and she closed her hand over the puppy's muzzle. The guard turned to look in their direction and they hastily ducked behind the wall. They were back up incase the boys got caught. Jess silently prayed that they would be ok.

She wasn't so lucky.

Suddenly there was a loud crash and she heard Alex's unmistakable yelp as a guard's club connected with his head. Jess darted out of hiding to go to his aid. "Guardians in the castle!" The guard hollered, and Jess electrocuted him, landing at Alex's side, Sunny bathing his face in kisses.

"He's unconscious!" She said and Caleb put a hand on her shoulder.

"I've got him," Caleb said. "Go, get out." Two guards suddenly blocked their path as Alex woke groggily.

"I've got him," Jess said aggressively, sitting Sunny on the floor. Jess gathered her powers and prepared to strike when she felt the guards club crash against her head. She hit the wall and fought to stay conscious.

"Sunny no!" Alex yelled as the puppy darted forward, positioning her little one-and-a-half pound body in front of the guard, her puppy teeth bared. She lunged forward, her teeth sinking into the guards leg. In the blink of an eye, Jess heard Sunny's agonized yelp as she was thrown into the was. She turned, growling, to the guard once again and bolted again.

"STOP!" Jess yelled as he kicked her across the floor. The puppy hit the wall, went limp, and didn't get up. "SUNNY!" Jess yelled, summoning her power. "DON'T HURT MY DOG!" She released every ounce of power she could, propelling the guard from the room. She collapsed, drained into Alex's arms. Will lifted Sunny off of the ground and looked at her, tears dotting her eyes.

"She's alive, but I don't think she's going to make it." Jess took her from Will and held her in her arms.

"Let's get her back. Althea will be able to help her." Aldarn said gently as he, Caleb, and Alex grabbed several sacks of grain. Alex slipped an arm around her waist and the girls looked on with concern. Jess nodded.

Althea didn't ask questions, she just took the pup from Jess and ushered her out of the room. Jess was leaning up against Alex now, her head resting on his shoulder and his arm resting around her waist. Every once in a while, he would kiss her temple or her lips, telling her it was going to be alright. The other guardians were silent as well, leaning against the wall or each other. Hay Lin had drifted to sleep.

After, what seemed like, an hour, Althea entered the room carrying the limp pup in her arms. She stooped down to hand her to Jess. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. There's nothing more I can do. Whoever did this broke several of her ribs and one has punctured one of her lungs. She's going to start drowning in her own blood soon." Jess took the pup and cried into her fur. Alex pulled her back to him and whispered soothingly in her ear.

Jess cried.

She cried until her tears ran dry and her eyes ached. She cried until she was nearly asleep in Alex's arms while she snuggled the dying puppy to her chest. Suddenly, Jess felt a heat emanating from her body as she was bathed in amber light that drifted from her body and into Sunny's. Jess wasn't aware how she was doing it, all she knew was that she was. Under her hand, which was pressed to the pup's side, she felt the bones rise back into place. The blood on the corner of the puppy's mouth was reabsorbed into her veins. Sunny gave a shiver and sat up in Jess's arms, wagging her tail stiffly.

"Sunny!" Irma said, sitting up from her position leaning up against Hay Lin. The other girls were aroused as well and they excitedly scratched the puppy's ear.

"What did you do?" Will asked.

"I don't know. I was almost asleep, wishing I could heal her, and…I did." Will narrowed her eyes contemplatively.

"That could come in handy." Irma giggled as Sunny licked her face.

"Hey, were glad you're ok, but you don't have to drown me." 


	8. The Fire

Chapter Eight: The Fire

The guards were looking for them, and Jess voted for confronting them, and zapping them into a hundred pieces. Will voted for leavening quickly, and, much to Jess's dismay, she was the leader and what she said went. Jess wouldn't challenge her for anything. The girls slunk out of the Infinite City with cloak disguises, so to be inconspicuous. Jess held Sunny close to her chest, her hand binding her muzzle to keep her quiet. Cornelia was looking around nervously, pulling her cloak around her body.

"What is it, Cornelia?" Jess asked.

"What if they do find us?"

"Eh, we can take'em. They're not very smart, and we have six viable brains on our side, not to mention, powers." Jess put a reassuring hand around her shoulders. "And what do they got? Clubs."

Once again, Jess was wrong.

Will suddenly pulled the girls behind the brick wall as Cedric passed by them. Jess felt Sunny growl behind her hand. "Oh great, we're screwed," she hissed in Will's ear. Will gestured for her to be quiet and Jess's grip on Sunny tightened. She wasn't about to let her dogchild get eaten by Cedric. Sunny's growls became more audible as Cedric's tail whipped around, cracking the stone wall they hid behind. Out of shock, Jess dropped Sunny, who lunged at Cedric, sinking her teeth into his tail. The girls pulled off their cloaks and prepared to fight.

Jess flew forward first, grasping Sunny and tossing her safely into a nearby barrel. Cedric yowled as Taranee burned him to prevent him from striking Jess, and Cornelia summoned vines from the earth to wrap around Cedric's body, preventing him from moving. The girls darted away, Jess grabbing the dog from the barrel.

"Find them!" Cedric hollered to his guards. "Burn the city if you have to." The guards nodded, malicious glints in their eyes. Jess's throat constricted with fear and Sunny was growling again as Will motioned them to split up. Jess, Hay Lin, and Taranee separated from the group and ran towards the south end of the city. Jess yanked the girls behind a wall. All three girls were panting heavily and looking to Jess as if expecting her to make a decision.

"What are we going to do?" Hay Lin asked her, her eyes heavy with worry. Taranee's chocolate brown eyes were asking her the same question.

"Who elected me leader?" Jess asked.

"Well, you always seem to know what your doing. You're always in control." How can you say that? Jess thought furiously. She had never had any control in her entire life. She had no clue what she was doing. Every time she survived a fight it was by luck. I'm not mature enough for this, she mentally fussed. Hay Lin and Taranee were looking to her now, scared and confused, they needed her. Jess sighed.

"Let's head towards the portal. That's where the others will go." She put a hand on Hay Lin's, and the girl was reassured. She stood. "This way." The girls flew in search of the portal when something caught the corner of Jess's eye.

A few buildings had become a roaring inferno, no doubt on Cedric's orders. Jess saw Irma and the others trying to put the flames out. "Let's go help," Jess said and the girls nodded. Jess sat Sunny on the ground, hoping her animal instincts would keep her away from the fire. Jess scanned the faces of the people who stood nearby, watching the scene in horror. Jess saw a face she recognized and she darted over to a little boy with mouse colored hair. She recognized him as on of the orphans.

"Jess!" He yelled when he saw her, and several other children came running to her, putting their small arms around her, whimpering. "Jess, they're still inside," he cried, pointing to the orphanage.

"Who?"

"Nadia and a few others." Jess turned her determined amber eyes to the building, her mind made up. She bolted up the stairs and reached for the doorknob, receiving a burn on her hand. She tried once again to heal it like she had Sunny, focusing her energy to the burn, but failed.

"Jess, what are you doing?" Will yelled.

"I'm going to save the little kids." She grabbed the doorknob again, and, ignoring the pain that sliced through her hand, she wrenched it open. "Nadia!" Her yell was stifled as she breathed in a mouthful of hot smoke and ash, making her cough. Something beside her fell, sending hot sparks flying at her. She felt them touch her bare leg and swore as the searing heat blistered the skin. Jess saw that the stairs had collapsed, but that didn't matter. She fluttered her wings, shooting up the stair well. After a quick scan of the first floor, she discovered that no one was there, nor were they on the second floor. She landed on the third floor, shouting for the children again.

"Jess!" She heard a little voice say and she recognized it as one of the little girls she had read to.

"Cindy?" she called and the little girl giggled happily, telling someone that they were safe. Jess bolted to the room she had heard the voice from, as a little more of the floor collapsed. Nadia, Cindy, two little boys Alex had called Bobby and Sam, and a little baby were huddled in the corned, trying not to touch the flames. The baby was screaming and Cindy was trying to calm him as well as Nadia. She's blind! Jess realized with horror. She must be terrified. Nadia stood and ran to her voice, and Jess lifted her up off the ground, giving her a reassuring hug. She felt the other children wrap their arms around her body, seeking comfort and protection.

"I'm scared!" Sam cried.

"Me to," Cindy said. The wall behind them groaned, threatening to break.

"We have to get out of here." Jess took the baby in one arm and hoisted Nadia on her back. She told the other children to hold hands and she took Cindy's hand, flying them all down to the ground floor. Several beams were collapsing around them, but Jess could see the door. She handed the baby to Cindy and instructed Sam to help Nadia, the burn on her leg growing unbearable. She couldn't hold them any more. "Hurry! Run! The exits that way." She gave them a gentle shove and they bolted to the door.

"Jess!" Nadia cried, and Jess smiled, having never heard the little child speak before.

"Go baby. I'll be fine. I promise." Sam jerked her out the door. A beam fell in front of Jess, blocking her exit. She back tracked, heading for the back door. Suddenly, in a shower of sparks, another beam fell on top of her. Jess cried out in pain, feeling the flames burning her back. This is it, she thought. I'm not making it out alive. She was crying, more from fear then pain. Her hand suddenly clenched as her body felt cold all of the sudden. She closed her eyes, resigned to her fate. 


	9. The Amber Light

The song is by Evanescence and it is called holding my last breath. Disclaimer, I can't remember if I did one in the first chapter.  
Chapter Nine: The Amber Light 

Will saw the kids running out of the building and sighed with relief. Hay Lin and Irma ran to help the children. Will searched franticly for Jess. The little blind girl was trying to go back inside. "Jess is still inside," she told Hay Lin.

"She's still inside?" The girl nodded. Taranee tried to make the flames die and Irma was trying to drown them. Will suddenly heard a terrible groaning sound as the building swayed. The support beams bent and broke, the house came down and was engulfed in flames.

* * *

It was dark now as Will and the other guardians sat huddled on the ground. Will was holding Nadia in her lap.

"She promised." Nadia cried. "She promised she would be ok." Will kissed the small child's forehead, tears streaming down her face. Cornelia and Hay Lin had the two boys while Irma held the baby and Taranee was cradling Cindy. The other children were asleep, but Nadia refused to be pacified. She was crying into Will's chest. Will looked up to find Alex, Caleb, Vathek, and Aldarn searching for Jess in the burnt rubble. Even Will knew it was pointless searching, but she refused to give up. She knew deep down Jess was dead, no one could survive that, but she couldn't just give up. Sunny crawled tiredly into her lap and Nadia patted her softly. Hay Lin sniffed and Cornelia wiped silent tears from her face. Nadia placed her hand over Wills heart, where the Heart Of Candracar rested inside her body.

"Your chest is burning," she said, and Will nodded. The Heart had been feeling very hot since the house had fallen, but she didn't know if it was because Jess was dead or if it was because she was still alive. Sunny clambered out of her lap and bolted to the wreckage, yapping. Will was to tired to chase her. When she reached Alex, he lifted her off the ground.

"I don't think we're going to find her," Caleb whispered to him, scratching Sunny's ear absently. Alex placed Sunny, who was wriggling very hard, down on the ground and she took off, wagging her rear and sniffing the debris. Alex nodded reluctantly, tears dotting his ocean blue eyes.

"Come on you mutt," he said, trekking over to where Sunny was digging at the ash and burnt wood. She was barking and wagging her short tail. Alex tried to lift up but she nipped his hand. "Caleb, come here," he said, pulling back some of the burnt wood. Will stood, lying Nadia on the floor, and bolted to them. "Will, stay back."

"Did you find something?"

"Maybe." The other girls materialized behind her and Alex reached to move the hot wood again. Cornelia saw blisters forming on his hands and she began to summon her powers.

"Back up," she instructed. The boys and the dog obeyed. Using her powers, Cornelia slowly and carefully removed the hot planks of wood. As she dug deeper, Will saw a swell of hot pink light and the Heart of Candracar suddenly burned sharply. Caleb and Alex reached into the hole and pulled Jess out. She was burned badly, Will noted. Her breathing was very shallow, but she was alive. Will realized that the Heart of Candracar had protected her from being engulfed in the flames or crushed as the house fell. Alex cradled her to his chest as he carried her away from the hot wreckage and placed her on the ground.

"She can't breath. Hay Lin-"

"Way ahead of you," said the air guardian cupping her hands over the dying girls mouth and nose, oxygen emanating from her hands. Jess took a few ragged breaths and Alex gripped her hand.

_hold on to me love _

_you know I can't stay long _

_all I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid _

_can you hear me? _

_can you feel me in your arms? _

_holding my last breath _

_safe inside myself _

_are all my thoughts of you _

_sweet raptured light it ends here tonight_

Will placed her hand on Jess's heart and felt it skip a few beats. "She's dying," she whispered. Cornelia tried to keep Nadia, who had come to help, back.

_I'll miss the winter _

_a world of fragile things _

_look for me in the white forest _

_hiding in a hollow tree (come find me) _

_I know you hear me _

_I can taste it in your tears _

_holding my last breath _

_safe inside myself _

_are all my thoughts of you _

_sweet raptured light it ends here tonight_

"We have to keep trying!" Will insisted. "Hay Lin, keep going with the oxygen."

"Will!"

"What Caleb?"

"She's not going to make it."

"The Heart of Candracar wouldn't have protected her if there was no way of saving her."

_closing your eyes to disappear _

_you pray your dreams will leave you here _

_but still you wake and know the truth _

_no one's there_

Will felt Jess stir. She turned her amber eyes, full of pain, to Alex. "I love you," she whispered, her voice husky.

"No Jess!" He snapped, "You're going to be ok." She shook her head.

"No Alex. I won't. I love you."

"I love you too," he said through his tears.

"Will, tell Jillian…tell my mother… that I forgive her. Tell her I love her."

"Tell her yourself." Will said, grasping Jess's other hand.

"Will please!" She said gently. "I love you, my sisters," she said. Her hand went limp in Will's.

_say goodnight _

_don't be afraid _

_calling me calling me as you fade to black_

"No!" Will whispered and Cornelia started to cry. The other girls were already crying, as well as Alex. Caleb pulled Cornelia into his arms to comfort her. She cried against his shoulder. Tears welled up in the corner of his eyes.

Suddenly the Heart of Candracar gave a painfully hot throb as Jess was engulfed in pink light. The light dissolved into amber and Will gasped. Jess's burns were healing. She could see the redness and the blisters smoothing out again, the skin turning creamy white.

_holding my last breath _

_safe inside myself _

_are all my thoughts of you _

_sweet raptured light it ends here tonight_

Will placed a hand on Jess's chest and felt her heart beat tentatively, without rhythm at first, but steadily finding it's pace.

She took a breath…

…and opened her eyes.

"What did you do?" She asked huskily.

"You did it, Jess. Your healing power, remember. The Heart of Candracar must have awakened it in your lifeless body just enough to heal you." Jess smiled gratefully as Nadia clambered into her arms. Will had forgotten about her.

"You're ok!" Jess hugged her. Alex pressed a kiss to her forehead and Hay Lin giggled excitedly.

"She's ok!" Will through her arms around Jess, and Jess groaned stiffly.

"Ow!" Will was to happy to notice. Her sister was alive and that was all that mattered.


	10. The Letter

Chapter Ten: The Letter 

Jess slunk in the bedroom late that night and Will stirred slightly. "How did it go with your mom? You're getting back late."

"I went for a walk after she dropped me off." Jess slid into her bed, pulling the covers to her chin, snuggling a worn out old stuffed cat to her chest. "Mom can't stay here. She still lives in Montgomery Alabama, where I was born. She's married, and has a little girl there."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah. I understand. She said she'd write, visit. I won't hold my breath though." Jess sighed. "I was afraid when she showed up. I was afraid that she would want me to live with her. If it didn't work out, I would have lost that home and this one."

"I think you were more afraid that she wouldn't want you," Will said wisely. Jess nodded in agreement.

"Maybe. Will?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad to have you as a sister. I finally feel like I've got a family. For the first time in my life, I feel at home. I feel loved."

"We're sisters, Jess. What do you expect?"

* * *

Jess was wrong again.

The next morning, she got a letter from her mother. She hastily ripped it open and something fell to the floor. Jess lifted her necklace, the half penny, off of the tile floor.

_Dear Jessie, _

_I am home safely. I miss you already. I wanted you to know that I am planning to visit again this Christmas, only two months away. I'm going to bring your little sister with me to meet you. I can't wait. You don't know how good it felt to hear you call me mom when I saw you last. _

_I love you, _

_Mom _

"Hey Jess, I've got the popcorn. The movie's in the VCR. Are you coming?" Will called from the living room.

Something else fell out of the envelope, and Jess picked it up. It was a picture of a young dark brown haired girl holding a small baby. Jess smiled and hugged it close to her chest.

Things were finally starting to feel right.

Maybe she would start trusting adults again.

Maybe she would get an after school job, or find another way to make this place feel like home.

Maybe she would allow herself to be loved.

Maybe, but she knew what she wanted to do then. She wanted to watch a movie with her new sister. She turned the half penny over in her hand and noticed her mother had scratched something into the back.

I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU

Jess smiled as she fastened the necklace around her neck.


End file.
